We are now one week away from Thanksgiving and the beginning of all the year-end holiday festivities. Thus, it is not unimaginable that at this time of the year, many of us find our schedules intensifying by the minute. There is the balancing of year-end work demands, holiday preparations, family, and social obligations. Understandably, it is not uncommon for any of us to begin anticipating and feeling stress as the holidays approach. So, before all this gets out of hand, perhaps it’s time for a fundamental mindset shift. One way to begin is by, rather than bracing for inevitable stress, considering how the same strengths you’ve developed professionally, such as strategic planning, boundary setting, and prioritization, can transform your experience of the season ahead. Let’s begin with this idea and dive into some ideas that can help you thrive this holiday season.
Reframing Expectation as Information
There have been studies showing that the pressure we feel during December rarely comes from the events themselves, but from our relationship with expectation. Many individuals fear falling short of an imagined standard, disappointing others, or failing to create the “right” experience.
This fear becomes more manageable when we recognize it as information rather than proof that something will go wrong. Begin by asking yourself: whose expectations am I carrying? Which of these reflect my actual values, and which have I absorbed without examination?
When you notice anxiety building around holiday preparations, pause before problem-solving. The anxiety itself often reveals what matters to you. If you’re worried about disappointing your children, that reflects your value of their happiness. If you’re anxious about hosting, that might indicate you care about creating welcoming spaces. Naming what’s beneath the stress helps you respond to the actual concern rather than simply managing symptoms.
The Strategic “No”and Pre-Planned Responses
There will never be an end to the possible social events we are invited to or can attend. The simple fact is that social obligations multiply during the holidays, and many of us default to acceptance. We say yes from habit, from people-pleasing tendencies, or from unexamined beliefs about what the season requires.
The good news is that a strategic “no” requires no justification. You don’t need an excuse or a better offer. “I won’t be able to make it, but thank you for including me” is a complete response.
For events you do attend, establish parameters beforehand. Decide your arrival and departure times. Consider planning shorter visits over extended stays, and if you’re traveling, maintaining some space by staying at a hotel rather than with family can provide crucial decompression time. Identify specific people you want to connect with rather than attempting to engage with everyone present. If large gatherings deplete you, plan brief check-ins rather than extended stays.
Prepare responses for predictable triggers. If you know certain relatives will comment on your career choices or relationship status, script a few neutral responses ahead of time: “I appreciate your interest, but I’d rather hear about your recent trip,” or “Let’s not get into that today. Tell me about what’s new with you.” Having these ready removes the pressure of thinking on your feet during emotionally charged moments.
If you are worried about difficult conversations, I have some tips that can help from my previous blog (Holiday Conversations: A Guide to Finding Common Ground in Divided Times)
This isn’t about avoiding connection; it’s about ensuring the connections you make are genuine rather than performative.
Recognizing Unhealthy Coping Patterns
Holiday stress often triggers coping mechanisms that provide immediate relief but undermine long-term well-being. For example, that additional glass of wine, the nightly dessert, the hours scrolling social media: these aren’t inherently problematic, but they become so when they’re your primary stress management tools.
Alcohol and Sugar
Both offer temporary nervous system regulation but create physiological stress through disrupted sleep, blood sugar instability, and energy crashes. Particularly important during family gatherings: alcohol lowers inhibitions and impairs judgment, potentially leading you to say or do things you’ll regret, especially during already-tense family dynamics. If you find yourself reaching for these more frequently during the holidays, that’s useful information about your stress level and your current coping resources. Just know that there is plenty of research that shows stress often causes us to crave carbohydrates.
Social Media Comparison
Constant exposure to curated holiday celebrations can trigger feelings of inadequacy that probably wouldn’t otherwise exist. Someone else’s apparently perfect gathering has no bearing on the meaningfulness of your own experience, yet our brains struggle to maintain that perspective when repeatedly exposed to idealized images. Keep in mind that what appears on social media may not be the full story. Often, what appears to be a perfect scene may be rife with less-than-perfect moments.
Consider a temporary reduction in social media consumption during peak holiday weeks. Notice whether your internal experience shifts when you’re not constantly measuring your celebration against others’.
Distinguishing “Should” from “Choose”
Much of holiday burnout stems from an obligation that masquerades as tradition. You may be maintaining practices that no longer serve you simply because they’ve always been done.
Create space to examine each planned activity through this lens: Am I doing this because I believe I should, or because I genuinely choose to?
None of this is to say this is about abandoning all responsibility or disappointing people. It’s about making conscious choices in your actions. When you choose an activity you’d prefer to skip, perhaps attending your partner’s work function, you make that choice with clarity about why it matters. This awareness transforms the experience from a resentful obligation to an intentional act of support.
Building Sustainable Rhythms
Preventing burnout requires more than crisis management. It demands systematic protection of your capacity.
Build recovery time into your schedule the same way you build in obligations. If you have three social events in one weekend, what does the following week need to look like? If you’re hosting family, when will you have solitude, when will you recover physically?
Communicate your boundaries clearly and early. “We’re looking forward to seeing you from 2:00 to 6:00 on Saturday” establishes parameters without apology. “I’ll need to leave by 8:00” gives you a defined endpoint.
Reevaluate traditions that no longer fit your life. Perhaps you hosted Thanksgiving for fifteen years, but this year your capacity is different. That’s not failure; it’s adaptation.
Embracing Imperfection as Practice
The pursuit of perfect holidays undermines the very connection we’re attempting to create. Your burnt dish becomes a story. Your lopsided decorations reflect your actual life. Your honest conversation matters more than your coordinated table settings.
Imperfection isn’t something to tolerate; it’s evidence that you’re prioritizing substance over appearance. Every time you allow something to be less than perfect, you practice releasing control. That practice strengthens your capacity to be present with what is rather than anxious about what should be.
Integration and Action
Moving through the holidays with intention rather than autopilot requires ongoing adjustment. What works in early December may need to be modified by year’s end. Your capacity fluctuates, circumstances change, and your needs evolve.
The goal isn’t to eliminate all holiday stress or to optimize every moment. It’s about approaching the season with awareness of your limits, being clear about what is important to you based on your values, and a willingness to prioritize your well-being alongside your obligations. When you do this consistently, you don’t just survive the holidays; you create a template for how you want to move through challenging seasons in all areas of your life.
When Professional Support Becomes Necessary
Sometimes the strategies you implement aren’t sufficient for the stress you’re experiencing. If you notice persistent sleep disruption, inability to experience pleasure, withdrawal from activities you typically enjoy, or feelings of hopelessness, professional support can provide both immediate relief and long-term skills.
Therapy during the holidays isn’t about “getting through” the season. It’s about understanding your stress responses, identifying patterns that no longer serve you, and developing more effective approaches for future challenges.
About My Practice: If you find yourself struggling with holiday stress or any aspect of your mental well-being during this demanding season, I can help by providing professional support and valuable tools and strategies. For over 15 years, I have specialized in helping individuals develop sustainable approaches to stress management and personal fulfillment. You are invited to contact my office for an appoitment.