The level of despair and loss in and around the Los Angeles area continues to take a toll on many individuals and families. Many of us may also know someone directly affected by these fires. Therefore, it is no wonder that many of my clients have asked me what the right thing to say to their friends and loved ones who might have lost everything.
These caring people want to offer comfort and let their friends and loved ones know that they care, but they worry about not knowing what to say or saying the wrong thing that could worsen things. In this brief post, I wanted to share some practical and easy.
Remember, even the smallest acts of kindness can be a powerful reminder to those in pain that they are not alone in their journey to rebuild their lives.
Here are a few do’s and don’ts that might help during these times.
Begin by simply reaching out by email or phone. As you reach out, don’t expect or ask for a response. You can say something like, “Please don’t feel you have to respond,” or “No need to respond—just know I am here for you.”
Do Validate their experience: Acknowledge the magnitude of their loss.
Don’t overthink the process.
Do make it sincere. A simple comment such as, “I’ve been thinking about you, is all it takes.
Don’t minimize their experience. Avoid phrases like “At least everyone’s safe,” “It could’ve been worse,” “Well, it’s just stuff, so at least you’re alright,” or “Thank goodness you have insurance,” as all these can feel dismissive and condescending.
Do offer specific, practical help: Instead of a vague “Let me know if you need anything,” make concrete offers such as sending an E-gift card for a meal, help by providing toiletries, or offering a place to stay.
Do listen actively without judgment. Allow them to express their emotions freely. Let them cry, scream, or sit in silence if needed. Your presence and willingness to listen are valuable. Ask open-ended questions: Show genuine interest in their situation by encouraging them to share more, such as “How are you feeling about it?” or “What has this been like for you?
Do periodically check in, even months later, to show you’re still thinking of them. Recovering from these disasters is never immediate; it will take time. Therefore, you want to check in periodically. Be patient and understanding, as the affected person may need time to process their emotions and situation. A simple heart emoji or quick text can mean a lot. How often to check in depends on the individual. Your conversation about their needs and plans can serve as a guide for the follow-up.
Other Ways We Can All Help
Of course, we don’t have to know someone who has been affected by this disaster to help. There are several charities and support organizations that we can donate to. Just be careful that they are genuine charities. The American Red Cross is one safe charity on the front lines of helping those in need. You can reach them by visiting redcross.org, calling 1-800-RED CROSS (800-733-2767), or texting the word CAWILDFIRES to 90999 to make a donation.
When tragedy strikes, like the devastating fires in Los Angeles, we have the power to step up and make a real difference. In the face of profound loss, our role as friends and colleagues isn’t just important—it’s essential. This is the moment to be a lifeline, a source of hope, and a steady presence when everything feels unsteady.
Remember, you don’t need to have all the answers or fix what’s broken. What truly matters is showing up. Listen with your heart, acknowledge their pain, and offer unwavering support. It could be as simple as lending a hand with daily tasks, being a shoulder to cry on, or just sitting beside them in silence. These acts of compassion, however small they might seem, can create ripples of healing.
Let’s commit to standing by those who need us—not just in the immediate aftermath but through the long, hard road of rebuilding and recovery. Your empathy, kindness, and willingness to show up are the things that will help them find light in the darkness. Together, we can be the force that helps them rise again.
