HOW TO RECOGNIZE AND RECOVER FROM THIS INSIDIOUS FORM OF ABUSE
Gaslighting is an emotionally abusive strategy that causes someone to question their thoughts, feelings, and sanity. The gaslighter tries to convince their victim that their perception of reality is wrong, making them doubt their instincts and memories. This subtle form of manipulation often starts small but escalates over time as the gaslighter attempts to gain more power and control in the relationship. Sadly, I have worked with many individuals who have been involved or are involved in difficult relationships where gaslighting is prevalent. Thus, in this brief post, I want to share the basics of this behavior in hopes that it can help anyone dealing with this issue in their lives.
SIGNS AND TECHNIQUES OF GASLIGHTING
Gaslighters employ a variety of techniques to undermine their victim’s sense of reality:
• Withholding: refusing to listen to the victim’s concerns or pretending not to understand them
• Countering: questioning the victim’s memory of events and making them doubt their recollection
• Diverting: changing the subject to avoid addressing issues or shifting the focus onto the victim
• Trivializing: making the victim feel like their thoughts and feelings are unimportant or irrational
• Denial: pretending that abusive events never happened or claiming the victim is making things up
• Lying: telling blatant lies, even when the victim has proof, to create self-doubt
A person being gaslit may constantly apologize for their feelings and reactions, even making excuses for the gaslighter’s behavior toward others.
WHY PEOPLE GASLIGHT
Gaslighters are often motivated by a desire to avoid responsibility for their actions and exert control. They may refuse to apologize, instead making the victim feel at fault. If the victim tries to leave, the gaslighter might play the victim themselves to gain sympathy.
Gaslighters also tend to be controlling, gradually isolating their victim from outside support. They may dictate how the victim spends their time, subtly criticize or “correct” the victim’s choices, and attempt to turn others against the victim by spreading false information.
GASLIGHTING VS. OTHER FORMS OF MANIPULATION
While gaslighting is a form of manipulation, not all manipulation constitutes gaslighting. What sets gaslighting apart is the abuser’s intent to make the victim doubt their grasp on reality.
For example, if a partner denies being unfaithful despite clear evidence and then claims the victim is paranoid or crazy for suspecting them, that is gaslighting. In contrast, tactics like guilt-tripping (“If you really loved me, you’d do this”), lying (“I was working late at the office,” when they were out with friends), and flattery (“You’re so much smarter than all my exes”) are manipulative but not necessarily gaslighting.
HIGHLY SENSITIVE PEOPLE AND GASLIGHTING
Highly sensitive and empathic people can be especially vulnerable to gaslighting. Because they tend to absorb other people’s emotions and overthink social interactions, they are likelier to take a gaslighter’s behavior personally and blame themselves. Years of being told their emotional reactions are “too much” can make them doubt their own instincts.
Gaslighters often exploit the highly sensitive person’s natural inclination to avoid conflict and please others. They may dismiss or minimize the victim’s feelings, pretend not to understand their concerns, and make them feel silly or stupid for expressing themselves.
To recover from gaslighting, highly sensitive people must learn to trust their own intuition again. This involves listening to gut feelings, even when they seem irrational, and paying attention to physical and emotional signals that something is wrong. Keeping a journal can help them identify abusive patterns and validate their experiences.
Setting boundaries, practicing assertiveness, and clearly communicating needs are also key for highly sensitive people healing from gaslighting. Self-compassion is essential; victims must recognize that the abuse was not their fault. Connecting with supportive people who appreciate their sensitivity can help rebuild self-esteem.
COPING WITH GASLIGHTING
Recognizing gaslighting is the first step to protecting yourself. Take a step back and objectively examine your interactions with the gaslighter. Do they make you feel constantly on edge, confused, or like you’re going crazy? A healthy relationship involves mutual trust, respect, and open communication, not emotional manipulation.
Writing in a journal can provide clarity and a record of abusive incidents. Confide in trusted friends, family, or a psychologist to gain outside support and validation. A clinical psychologist can help you process the emotional trauma of gaslighting and develop coping strategies.
Remember, you are not to blame for being gaslit. No one deserves abuse, no matter how sensitive they are. Gaslighting can take a serious toll on your mental health, so be patient and compassionate with yourself as you heal. With time and support, you can regain your confidence and learn to trust yourself again.
Gaslighting is a serious form of emotional abuse characterized by manipulation, control, and the intent to make the victim doubt their sense of reality and self-worth. Highly sensitive and empathic people are particularly susceptible to these tactics, but anyone can become a victim of gaslighting.
Recognizing the signs of gaslighting is crucial to protecting yourself and beginning the recovery process. Rebuilding self-trust, setting boundaries, and seeking support are all important steps in healing from gaslighting trauma. Though it may be a difficult journey, it is possible to move forward and thrive after experiencing this type of abuse. Remember, your feelings are valid, and your sensitivity is a gift, not a weakness.
