Imagine this scenario: You’ve been dating someone or become close friends, texting and hanging out regularly. Then suddenly, without any warning or explanation, they completely cut off contact. Your texts go unanswered, they ghost you on social media, and you’re left wondering what happened. Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone. Ghosting has become all too common in today’s relationships, but that doesn’t make it okay.
What is Ghosting?
“Ghosting” is the act of abruptly ending all communication with someone without providing an explanation. No uncomfortable break-up conversation, no awkward justification for why you’ve lost interest, just radio silence. While ghosting used to refer mainly to romantic relationships, it’s also extremely common in friendships.
HOW COMMON IS GHOSTING?
Recent research paints a startling picture of just how prevalent ghosting has become, especially among young adults:
• Over 50% of people aged 18-29 say they’ve been ghosted by a romantic partner
• A similar percentage report being ghosted by friends
• 25% have been ghosted after just one date
• 1 in 10 have experienced ghosting after dating someone for several months.
Therefore, even if you haven’t been ghosted (yet), you know someone who has. The rise of online dating apps and digital communication has made it easier than ever to connect with new people – and disconnect from them with the swipe of a finger.
WHY DO PEOPLE GHOST?
What drives someone to ghost a romantic partner or friend? A few key reasons have emerged:
- Avoiding confrontation. Many people dread having difficult conversations. Ghosting allows them to bypass the discomfort of directly telling someone they’re no longer interested.
- Communication overload. Constant texting and messaging can start to feel overwhelming, especially in romantic relationships. Ghosting due to feeling smothered by communication is common.
- Incompatibility. Sometimes, people realize that the relationship isn’t a good fit, whether due to personality clashes, long distance, or frequent fighting. Rather than working through issues, they ghost.
- Lost interest. Attraction and friendships can fizzle out. When feelings are no longer reciprocated, ghosting often follows.
- Self-esteem issues. Interestingly, research shows that having lower self-esteem predicts ghosting friends but not romantic partners. Insecurity may lead people to abruptly cut off friendships.
The Emotional Fallout of Ghosting While ghosters may think they’re sparing themselves and the other person by avoiding a break-up talk, ghosting can inflict serious emotional damage. Common experiences reported by ghostees include:
• Shock, confusion, and disbelief at the sudden loss of contact
• Anger and frustration at being disrespected
• Sadness, loneliness and depression
• Lost self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness
• Difficulty trusting new partners and friends going forward
Many ghostees go through stages of grief similar to mourning a death. The lack of closure can make it very difficult to process the loss and move on. Even those who have ghosted others admit their guilt and regret for causing this kind of pain.
HOW TO COPE WITH BEING GHOSTED
If you’ve been ghosted, know it’s not your fault, and you’re not alone. Acknowledge the hurt and allow yourself to feel sad and angry. Lean on friends and family for support. Resist the urge to keep reaching out to your ghoster for answers you may never get.
Instead, focus on self-care and rebuilding your confidence. Remind yourself of your worth and that your ghoster’s inability to communicate isn’t a reflection on you. Learn from the experience by noting any missed red flags and vowing to be more careful about pacing new relationships. When you’re ready, put yourself out there again. With time and healing, you will be able to move forward.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Ghosting may be increasingly common, but it’s far from harmless. This avoidant approach to ending relationships can seriously impact mental health and self-esteem. If you’re tempted to ghost, consider the long-term consequences. Opting for a direct, respectful conversation is always the better choice.
If you’ve been ghosted, remember that you deserve so much better. Allow yourself to grieve, then let go. By staying true to yourself and opening your heart to new connections, you will find the healthy, fulfilling relationships you need. As always, my office is available to address any of these issues and work through any challenges that they may present.
